Damaging Relationships

Domestic Abuse, physical, mental, and/or emotional. Domestic violence can happen to men and women.

Domestic Abuse

Abuse can be physical, mental, and emotional. Violence against anyone in any form is a crime, whether the abuser is a family member; someone you date; a current or past spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend; an acquaintance; or a stranger. You are not at fault. You did not cause the abuse to occur. If you or someone you know has been sexually, physically, or emotionally abused, seek help.  

Sometimes it is hard and confusing to admit that you are in an abusive relationship, or to find a way out. There are clear signs to help you know if you are being abused. If the person you love or live with does any of these things to you, it's time to get help:

  • monitors what you're doing all the time 
  • criticizes you for little things 
  • constantly accuses you of being unfaithful 
  • prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or  family, or going to work or school 
  • gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs 
  • controls how you spend your money 
  • controls your use of needed medicines 
  • humiliates you in front of others 
  • destroys your property or things that you care about 
  • threatens to hurt you, the children, or pets, or does  hurt you (by hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, punching, slapping,  kicking, or biting) 
  • uses or threatens to use a weapon against you 
  • forces you to have sex against your will 
  • blames you for his or her violent outbursts 



Infidelity refers to a fracture within a committed partnership, a partnership based on trust and mutuality. Any relationship outside of the committed partnership can be considered infidelity.... any investment of time, money, energy, etc. that is taken away from the committed partnership. Beyond the damage to the committed partnership, Infidelity may also involve implications of cultural, religious and legal aspects. Sexual infidelity is rarely about sex! Typically, what is sought after is something missing in their own life - a sense of self-worth, relational issues, self-identity, self-care, and an understanding of moderation.


Types of Infidelity

  • Financial Infidelity

Secret money: incurring debt that partner or significant other is unaware of, and yet responsible for. Hiding funds from your partner or significant other.

  • Emotional Infidelity

Personal Information: sharing intimate details with someone outside of a committed relationship, in the attempt to gain outside support.
Online: typically an additional element of intimate information and/or visual stimulation involved.
Pornography: a) addictive, b) escalates requiring more time away from partner or significant other, c) desensitization in seeing people as object rather than individual, d) acting out sexually to replay the visual stimulus. (Dr. Victor Cline's four progressive steps to porn addiction).

  • Physical Sexual Infidelity

Affairs: an infidelity that denotes an affectionate relationship that may or may not include a sexual relationship.
Sexual Liaisons: an interpersonal interaction entered into expressly for the purpose of sexual satisfaction; it can be for the satisfaction of one or both parties.
Sexual infidelity is rarely about sex! Typically, what is sought is something missing in one's own life - a sense of self-worth, relational issues, self-identity, self-care, and an understanding of moderation. 

Narcissist dehumanize, objectify, attacks, imitations.



Malignant Self Love Narcissism Revisited, By Sam Vaknin

 "People have a need to believe in the empathic skills and basic good-heartedness of others. By dehumanising and objectifying people – the narcissist attacks the very foundations of the social treaty. This is the "alien" aspect of narcissists – they may be excellent imitations of fully formed adults but they are emotionally non-existent, or, at best, immature.

This is so horrid, so repulsive, so phantasmagoric – that people recoil in terror. It is then, with their defences absolutely down, that they are the most susceptible and vulnerable to the narcissist's control. Physical, psychological, verbal and sexual abuse are all forms of dehumanisation and objectification.

What to do?

Never show your abuser that you are afraid of him. Do not negotiate with bullies. They are insatiable. Do not succumb to blackmail."